one of the hardest things ive done was ask my mother who my father was. tired of the bullshit lie i grew up on "your daddy's dead" a tragedy easily used to shut a young girl up. when i was 11 i asked my mom what the real deal was no lies. i wanted to know who and where i came from. She hit me with the okie doke your daddy's dead then with the you and your brother have the same father. oh how the lies never end. it made me angry because it took me 11 years to find the strength to finally ask this bitch this question. && im getting the same lies everyone else was hitting me with.i didnt give up because ive come to far. so i pressed and i pressed not knowing when she would be back again. not wanting to lose this opportunity. knowing that if i didnt get answers now i wouldnt have the strength to ask again. then she tells me your dads jamaican and his name is love. never revealing anything else no matter how much i pressed on. but i took it and i ran with it. it was better then your daddy's dead. love what kinda name is love? o well thats my daddys name. and i finally got a nationality. im not just black anymore, im jamaican. so i ran with it until i found out it was all a lie. just like all the other stories. there was no jamaican love. and she never apologized for lying. and i never forgave her. and i never asked another question. id rather know nothing then to be played like that again. now im 20 pushing 21 wishing i knew something but never finding the strength i found ten years ago. afraid to get another jamaican love.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Jamican Love
one of the hardest things ive done was ask my mother who my father was. tired of the bullshit lie i grew up on "your daddy's dead" a tragedy easily used to shut a young girl up. when i was 11 i asked my mom what the real deal was no lies. i wanted to know who and where i came from. She hit me with the okie doke your daddy's dead then with the you and your brother have the same father. oh how the lies never end. it made me angry because it took me 11 years to find the strength to finally ask this bitch this question. && im getting the same lies everyone else was hitting me with.i didnt give up because ive come to far. so i pressed and i pressed not knowing when she would be back again. not wanting to lose this opportunity. knowing that if i didnt get answers now i wouldnt have the strength to ask again. then she tells me your dads jamaican and his name is love. never revealing anything else no matter how much i pressed on. but i took it and i ran with it. it was better then your daddy's dead. love what kinda name is love? o well thats my daddys name. and i finally got a nationality. im not just black anymore, im jamaican. so i ran with it until i found out it was all a lie. just like all the other stories. there was no jamaican love. and she never apologized for lying. and i never forgave her. and i never asked another question. id rather know nothing then to be played like that again. now im 20 pushing 21 wishing i knew something but never finding the strength i found ten years ago. afraid to get another jamaican love.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
damn that sucks mama..i kinda know wat its like not to know ur father..i know who mine is but hes never been there for me..not because he wasn't allowed but because he chose not to be..kinda fucked up that ur mom never told you..but u shouldnt give up if its somethin that you really wanna know.. deserve to at least know the mans real name..its sad that she wont give you that much..keep ya head up ladie
ReplyDeletesigh...sometimes its better not knowing who he is if hes not going to care like my dad...although I agree with I.aM.Me that you should know atleast his name if you really want to know...
ReplyDelete