change

talking... texting... instant messaging... video chatting...
every second, minute, hour, day
for months...


now weeks && months pass by with nothing...
turning into years, and decades ... possibly

true love

dont think i'll ever find my true love
cuz everything i once truly loved
was truly inlove... wit sum1 else

pen to the pad

i lost the poetry within me...
or maybe i jus gave up on it... not too sure
but i kno that my mind races and i let it
i dont control it like i used to
but i got this pen and this paper
&& imma put the pen to the pad
i think the same thoughts over and over
reaching up into the thinking bubble
snatching those thoughts
and placing them in between the marble covers

i wrote a poem the other day and as i was finishing it up i deleted it by accident. kinda wish i brought that pad i saw a couple of weeks back because i would still have my feelings down on paper. rather than having it vanished into thin air. it took me a week to get down the explination of how i felt. it was perfectly written. and im still kinda angry that its lost. i actually teared for a sec. and im still kinda pissed off. But anyway it was an explination as to why i choose to be alone rather than be with any1 in any in any way shape or fashion. i cannot be with any1 until i get myself back. The energy and passion for dating likeing loving or fucking. once again im broke down. and the funniest thing is this same time last yr was completly ready. happy excited and willing. i look back at my febuary posts and i cant even remember the feelings. i read in astonishment. like wow ... things change... rapidly. im not sure when or how i got here. but i knew it would happen. i knew that i would give up eventually and that the faith i had would soon be non-existant. but i tried holding on but that was an #epicfail. lol look @ wat i wrote last year "&& it ended with a date to do this once again same time next year" ahhh man funniest ish to read. s/o to broken promises this year tho i wont be buyin $130 dollar tickets to no basketball game nope not i ... i dnt have time for the lyin cheating accusations and jeleousy, so i'll sacrifice a few smiles laughs and good times for my sanity(general statement) ... this year jus like last year i will be alone so fuck the 13th 14th and 15th pahaa Valentines days are mine