2 bizzy 2 get bizzy. make face time.

a couple of months ago i was sitting on the 3train with no ipod no book setting mysef up for ultimate boredom. so instead of looking ppl directly in their face (which i cant flippin stand) or goin to sleep i decided i was gonna read the advirtisements that are posted all around the train. luckily today i was stuck with the best ads everrr lol the DENTYNE ICE::MAKE FACE TIME i swear i fell in love with these ads because those are the realest words ever. quite simple but ppl make it the hardest task. that day the ads were a bit longer and of course me the fein takes it and writes it in my phone lol so it says::Power down. Log off, unplug. Have mercy on your thumbs. Browse the world wide somethng else. Send some not so instant messages. Undo, hit cancel, be together. Make face time. !!!LOVEEEE IT!!! everytime i see these ads they make me sad because all i want is face time. stop fuckin calling me. come talk to me. stop fuckin textin me. come talk to me. stop fuckin i m'n me. come talk to me. MAKE FACE TIME. iv'e gotten to the point where i just get so tired of texting like wtf call me if you wanna say something. but these days ppl are too buisy to pick up a phone and dial out so what makes me think they can make face time. its gotten to the point that arguments cant even be face to face. have mercy on your fuckin thumbs wtf stop textin everything and say it. ive gotten so fed up with this technology shit. i find myself signing off aim and powering down my phone just to get a piece of mind. this shit is wack. i guess thats how dentyne ice felt. they cant even sell gum. who needs fresh breath via text message. GO BUY SOME FUCKIN GUM THEN KISS WHOEVER YOUR TEXTIN THAT KISSEY FACE TO.

fuck myspace cuz i need my space and tell face book i want my face back

Jamican Love

one of the hardest things ive done was ask my mother who my father was. tired of the bullshit lie i grew up on "your daddy's dead" a tragedy easily used to shut a young girl up. when i was 11 i asked my mom what the real deal was no lies. i wanted to know who and where i came from. She hit me with the okie doke your daddy's dead then with the you and your brother have the same father. oh how the lies never end. it made me angry because it took me 11 years to find the strength to finally ask this bitch this question. && im getting the same lies everyone else was hitting me with.i didnt give up because ive come to far. so i pressed and i pressed not knowing when she would be back again. not wanting to lose this opportunity. knowing that if i didnt get answers now i wouldnt have the strength to ask again. then she tells me your dads jamaican and his name is love. never revealing anything else no matter how much i pressed on. but i took it and i ran with it. it was better then your daddy's dead. love what kinda name is love? o well thats my daddys name. and i finally got a nationality. im not just black anymore, im jamaican. so i ran with it until i found out it was all a lie. just like all the other stories. there was no jamaican love. and she never apologized for lying. and i never forgave her. and i never asked another question. id rather know nothing then to be played like that again. now im 20 pushing 21 wishing i knew something but never finding the strength i found ten years ago. afraid to get another jamaican love.

new sex

&& when im bent over
im not afraid to look back
because he's not afraid to look forward
as my eyes watch him as he watches all of me
i find myself biting my lip as i back that ass up
no longer staying motionless, or listening to orders
no longer crying silent tears wondering when it will all be over
but moaning and moving and enjoying and loving not hating
not wondering but hoping that this will never end
now im getting flipped over and im caught by surprise
oh shit this guys not afraid to look me dead in my eyes

. . .

your circumstances do not make you who you are...
MARY.j.BLIGE

hidden...

im not conceited
neither am i confident
im more or so intrigued with myself
i look in the mirror millions of times a day
not looking at the beauty
but marveled that this body can hide so much
i look at mysef and
i search for the hurt, confusion, disdain
and all i see is the eyes nose and mouth
i see the beauty
but wheres the pain?

i hate porn. why you ask

PORNOGRAPHY IS WACK!!!
WITH A BUNCH OF WACK NIGGAS && EVEN WACKER BITCHES

i feel that sex is art.
and that the people getting paid for it are'nt even artist.
theres no passion just smack smack smack smack

its always the same ole shit, never see shit like this...
*black man fucks white girl in the ass with a pogo stick
*alien from mars eats alien from pluto's whatever a pussy is called in plutonian
*asian girls suck on eachother...oh look at 2 chicks...oh shit there simese twins
*midget fucks a 3,000 lb rhinosourous
nope never see shit like that closest thing you see is a girl fucking a horse, could you blame her? did you see the horse(joking) but thats not ponography thas just a woman fed up...

its like a zane book
same ole story DAMN CAN I GET A STORY LINE?!?!?
and im not talking about a cop pulling over a slut for speeding. she was'nt even driving.wtf. was there even a car? (how do you say cheesey)
can we get some history or something.

PORN IS WACK!!!
FULL OF WACK NIGGAS && WACK BITCHES
WITH WEAK ASS STORY LINES.

&& i know im not the only one that thinks that.
if it was'nt the truth Kim Kardashian would'nt be such a big hit.
people wanna see some real shit.

not that bullshitass cant fuck better than me needing a director to call ACTION kinda shit.

&& thats why i hate porn

do you blame me?

or maybe i feel like this b/c of personal reasons

shrugging my shoulders

but i still hate it!

maybe im just a hater

shrugging my shoulders with one finger up!!!

whats the meaning of v.day

people feel that valentines day is all about the big gifts, the jewelry, the candy, the roses, the teddies, the materialistic shit. i mean i don't blame them because this is the way society raises us up to be. its like as soon as we start school in kindergarten on valentines day were supposed to buy each other gifts. to me that's not what its all about. I'll take a simple memory over a material object. a memory will be worth so much more. i want something that's gonna make me smile and tickle my insides. not something i can ooo and ahhhh about that wont be worth shit when the purchaser is gone. or even when there still here. what can you do with a size 2 pair of jeans next year when your pushing a six. NOTHING. what can u do with a box of chocolate when its done? SHIT IT OUT AND KEEP IT FOREVER AND EVER AMEN? i don't feel like rambling on and on but you get my drift. when i was younger i wanted this worthless shit because that's what society told me i should want. last year i had a "valentine" he brought me a teddy a rose & a chocolate. and i never took it home with me. i honestly didn't want it. call me what you want. i guess its because i didn't want him. he didn't mean anything to me. so therefore those items were worthless. I'm not looking for worthless I'm looking for priceless. the 2 v.days before that were to me much worst. i had boyfriends that so called loved me but didn't have valentines. nope no happy valentines day sweetie.no gross chocolate.no stinky rose. not even a mr.teddy. not even a simple memory that tickled my insides. Just two guys that wanted to tickle my insides. && one girl saying fuck the world and this bumass holiday. but this vday or day b4 vday (4perfect none of ya b.i reasons) was the best i could ever have. society didn't take over with worthless materials but like MasterCard it was priceless. full of uncontrollable laughter. mixed with joys and happiness. && ended with a date to do this once again same time next year.

way before v.day

i was given a gift way before valentines day
back in late October via bus
he was wrapped up tight in pretty brown and i call him my slym chocolate
no not like the bestie but oh he's the best see
cuz unlike the bestie he moved my body body, worked my body body
and while he gave me body body
he fed my mind and soul his version of chocolate covered strawberries

i got this gift way before valentines day
no box of chocolates could amount to him because
after I've stuck my finger in about every single chocolate in the box
searching as i searched for him for that one milk chocolate with caramel in the middle
i realize i've got all the chocolate with caramel right before my eyes,
and he taste so good

no amount of how many dozens of roses could ever amount to him because
roses really smell like poo oo ooo.
and one day those roses will die but we wont
and if i wanted to smell poo
i could just walk in on him while he's making number 2
you cant ask a rose to let me wipe your butt
but you can have a guy tell you when your shit stank
and still like you anyway

i got this gift of mine way before valentines via bus
and no teddy bear can compare to my teekie baby
yes it may be cute cuddly and huggable
but so is he and he's also kissable and never ever dismissible
i can hold him tight and sleep with him at night
but Mr.teddy bear
you cant hold me back like he do
giving me the security of a man



no chocolates, roses, or Mr.teddy's
could amount to the gift
of you
given to me way before v.day
via bus
back in late October



!!!SURPRISE!!!

questions from a young child, female

young child, female
five or maybe six
pre-k or maybe it was kindergarten
face of innocence
but not a mind
never asking children's questions
because her soul was old
older than the person that has her
bent over wondering
who,what,where,when&why.why.
who is this person taking
what is not there's and
where can I hide next time
when he comes back and
why just why?
questions from a
young child, female
five maybe six
pre-k or maybe it was kindergarten

READY FOR LOVE,,,

ITS CRAZZI WHEN YOU LISTEN TO SOMETHING AND ONLY ONE PERSON COMES TO MIND...

one missed call

today i went downtown brooklyn to handle a few things for my cousin. when i was finished i decided that i wanted to go shopping for myself because i have'nt treated myself in a while because of lack of work. but being that my job said they could give me a few more hours i said what the hell. when i was finished i put my ipod in my ears and proceeded to walk to the bus. something made me look at my phone maybe its because i jus cant ever let it go. but anyway i looked at it and realized i had 1 MISSED CALL... it was a 212 number. which could be none other than my job. so i called back thinking they were calling me to tell me to come into work. my favorite manager picked up i said watup asked him if he called he said no it was another manager. i wasnt worried because i was also cool with him too. anyway he gets on the phone and asked me if i got a minute. im like yea. hes like ok well you know that we have been really low on hours and im sorri were gonna have to lay you off. he's like it has nothing against you. you know we love you. im like aight. hes like if you want you can re-apply in march or april if you want to come back. blah blah blah. i had 2 more months to make it officially a year. thats that bullshit.

THATS ONE MISSED CALL I WISH WAS JUST...THAT MISSED

EM'EASSZZII

if you have read my first two blogs you probably realized I've got a Jekyll && Hyde thing going on. if you came to that conclusion your right. Yup there are two of me maybe even more I could probably have a television show like Tara named after me called " THE UNITED STATES OF EMMA" But on a more serious note.

^^^LOOK UP THERE^^^

there goes me switching people on myself. Jay would say "im schitzo koo-koo clock don't tick so"

NOW BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM

Like i was saying till I rudely interrupted myself. I've got two sides to me both named Emma unfortunately. But the Emma in the introduction is also known as Easszzii. && for obvious reasons. No I'm not a slore. Easszzii in the sense of easy going, easy to let go, easy to love, easy to live. Easszzii is a free spirit. I used to give a fuck now I give a fuck less. Nope Easszzii never gives a fuck. She's not afraid to let loose be who she be and if you don't like it o well you just wont get to laugh so hmphh. Easszzii is a cover up for the other Emma formally known as Em. Allot of people may call me this but not many people know her. She used to give a shit. Now she gives a shit more. I think Em's one of the deepest people I will ever be. Like Easszzii stated in the Intro

MY LIFE IS LIKE A BOOK!!!

NOT A MOVIE!!!
you cant just sit down and watch me to know who i am
you've got to pick me up
read me from front to back
take your time
find the perfect position
put me down. just to pick me up again
take me with you when you shit.shower.sleep.
ride the train with me.bookmark me.fold a page
stop and reread me so you can have a full understandment of me.
&& when your done read the back. go back to your favorite parts
SHIT... WISH, HOPE && SEARCH
for the sequel and do it all again
because in the back of me I've got a lil section saying
THE STORY AIN'T OVER. YES THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL
&& if you cant find me in Barnes && Nobles
bet your luck I'm sitting on top of one of those tables outside
on Jamaica ave,downtown Brooklyn, or on the corner of 5th && 50th


DAMN I'M GOOD...I THINK I ALMOST JUST CAME ON MYSELF

But Em is the person Ive always been. She grew up with me and lived the life I lived. She is the secrets I keep behind my eyes. She is the insecurities, the fears, the heartache, the struggle. She's like Nelly's "Tip drill" video RAW && UNCUT. && you are lucky enough to meet her cuz

I'M COMING OUT, I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW, ITS TIME TO LET IT SHOW...

it was first called Defeat but i changed it to Let Life Live

...Let Life Live...

sometimes I think I'm not meant to have anything
I came into this world with nothing
&& it seems that as i progress through life I lose the little I have
or whatever I have gained
sometimes left with less than I started with
at times i let myself become defeated
then there are other times
I GO SO HARD
only ending up feeling
DEFEATED
that's when i realize
chill em, don't rush, just coast.
LET LIFE LIVE
don't stress. just breath
then it happens!!!
but i don't realize it because i wasn't paying attention
until its lost again...and once again I'm defeated.
thinking I'm not meant to have anything
taking longer to go hard && even longer to realize i need to
LET LIFE LIVE
&& it takes even longer for it to happen
do i realize it happens this time? do i pay attention? do i stop the cycle?
do i believe that i am meant to have
EVERYTHING
&& that I came into this world with
LIFE
do i realize that I have more than I ever started with
did I
LET LIFE LIVE?
or am i once again pitying myself into
DEFEAT?

INTRODUCTION

FIRST AND FOREMOST I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IM THE WEIRDEST PERSON THAT IS PERFECTLY NORMAL THAT YOU WILL EVER MEET...

i brush my teeth in the shower. i rarely ever wear my favorite color. i love being in love and absolutly hate being in hate. lil kim paints my toenalis every 5 days in the summer. my fingernails stay dirty and i have had everyone i've ever met clean them with a metrocard or folded dollar bill.i love everyones mom except my own. deadbeat dads suck and single fathers shouldnt get anymore credit then single mothers. i eat my boogers just as much as i pee in pools. im not afraid of bugs but i hate roaches, waterbugs && bedbugs. i love caterpillers and im infatuated with butterflies. cacoons rock!!! i still watch cartoons and i doubt i'll ever give up the disney channel. books are my life. because unlike jim jones my life is like a book. Fuck a Movie!!! i hate television but its 09' so im addicted to reality T.V. im like a human ipod. emotions equal songs to me. i would say i love any music i can dance to but i cant dance lol. R&B puts me in a zen state and HIPHOP makes me hippity hop.i dance like a white girl to cover up that i have no moves && because its absolutly exhilirating. i jump up and down screaming for no reason at all. i could probably receive a check on the 1st 3rd and the 30th lol. i love children bacause i am a kid at heart. i am the pickiest eater in the universe. hey did you know plutos not a planet anymore? check that out. i switch topics like i switch pj's. i hate panties bras and socks. if the world were mine everyone would be nakey...maybe not everyone...umm if i could meet anyone in the world it would have to be eve. no not the rapper but i wouldnt mind meeting her either. but im talkin bout that bitch that ate the forbidden fruit. then i would kick her ass shes the reason i gotta get up and dressed in the morning. nope im not a fashionista but dont get it twisted i gets cute lol. neither am i a socialite. i hate partying but i absolutly love it. i like stayin home all by my lonesome. im a purple people eater. wayyy b4 08' i loved purple when everyone was snappin on barney. I HATE::nextels bleep bleep but i love the where u at...

IM O SO TOTALLY RANDOM...